Walking into the video rental yesterday, returning "Iron Man" (which i liked, lacks the faux serious tone that spoils Dark Knight-like comic book movies, is more of a "Ghost Rider"-style rollercoaster ride), i found that this might be the best month ever to have a video addict flatrate. Without really looking, just by walking through the room i saw all this films i want to see:
My Winnipeg
Transporter 3 - if only cause director Olivier Megaton has the best action movie director name ever.
Fighter aka Fightgirl Ayse 
Strippers vs Zombies
You Kill Me
In Bruges
Righteous Kill
Inland Empire
Hulk (2008)
Afro Samurai - Samuel L. Jackson lends the title character his voice in this 5-part anime series.
Buy The Ticket, Take The Ride - A documentary about the life and times of Hunter S. Thompson

So i first rented "Two Lane Black Top", which is not on the list and now wait for NCIS 6x13 and Oz and James Drink to Britain 1x02 to download ;)

Oh, and i saw "Let the right one in" at the movies last night. Absolutely amazing film, sad beyond words, darkly funny, a movie about kids but not for them, phantastic storytelling... the last two minutes of so add the saddest possible happy ending to a charmingly sad film and should thus be ignored, but apart from that - wow. Many reviewers praise the cinematography, which is most likeley more impressive to a audience used to Hollywood-stlye camera movement and rapid-fire editing than to someone who generally prefers arthouse films. I found it to be disturbing in some way and have to see the film again to decide if i like it....
Go catch it at your local theater or, if you live in the foreign-movie free part of the world, rent it from Netflix!

Every film fans main association with loving someone for a long time has always been the hilarious Vietnamese Hooker segment from "Full Metal Jacket":

Me so horny. Me love you long time. Watch the video

NOT ANY MORE
Someone clearly gave some bad advice here:

The grammar is a bit better, ok. But than again, she will love "U"? Has drug use degenerated her to the point where she resembles an orthographically challenged internet-addicted text-messaging teenager? Don't watch the video

People of the far east, of the UK, people everywhere, lock away your underage daughters!

Gary Glitter will be released from prison next month.

If you don't have an underage daughter, go fetch your earplugs: He's releasing a new album!

I find this kinda funny and informing... especially as it demonstrates that i'm such a nerd that no matter what letter of the alphabet you choose, there's a at least a bit "serious" site i visit more than pr0n or something like that... it's official, i am a bore. Even if you consider that Safari always gives you bookmarked URLs as the first hit.

A - About:blank (seriously! First "real" URL: http://www.angels2200.com )
B - http://bts.livejournal.com/ (wow!)
C - http://www.c-base.org/concerts/
D - http://dict.leo.org/
E - http://en.wikipedia.org/
F - http://www.finalgear.com/
G - http://www.google.de/
H - http://heise.de/
I - http://www.imdb.com/
J - http://www.juliascaveandkitchen.blogspot.com/
K - http://www.kicker.de/
L - No suggestion for "l". Seriously.
M - Same.
N - http://www.nerdcore.de/wp/
O - http://opac.hu-berlin.de:80/F/?func=file&file_name=find-b
P - http://www.pvponline.com/
Q - http://questionablecontent.net/
R - http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/
S - http://www.spiegel.de/
T - http://titanic-magazin.de/
U - http://us.imdb.com/Glossary/
V - http://www.videodrom.com/verleih/
W - http://www.beta.wetter.com/ (Everyone needs this.)
X - http://www.xkcd.com/
Y - http://www.youtube.com/
Z - http://www.zeit.de/

I just found out that hidden behind the bat-biting antics, the electric guitars and all this "metal" stuff, there are the lyrics for one of the most intellectual bittersweet love songs ever...

Finished with my woman 'cause she couldn't help me with my mind
people think I'm insane because I am frowning all the time
All day long I think of things but nothing seems to satisfy
Think I'll lose my mind if I don't find something to pacify
Can you help me occupy my brain?

I need someone to show me the things in life that I can't find
I can't see the things that make true happiness, I must be blind
Make a joke and I will sigh and you will laugh and I will cry
Happiness I cannot feel and love to me is so unreal
And so as you hear these words telling you now of my state
I tell you to enjoy life I wish I could but it's too late

And i order all of you to download and listen to the almost Björk-like cover version by swedish band Hellsongs.

"I dreamt of concentration camps the night after [watching it]"
--A female friend of mine on the Sex and the City movie.

(cell phone playing the Top Gear Theme as a ringtone)
Me: Hello, XXXX!
She: Hey, Philipp, did we say i'll call you when i'm en route?
Me: Yes, we said you'd call when you're en route.
She: I'm en route.
Me: OK, so 1:30 it is?
She: Yep.
Both: Bye.

(Clarkson got stuck off road in a BMW X3) "Now, at this point, the most important thing to have in a 4x4 vehicle.... is a sound recordist!" (camera pans to the sound recordist) "Now get out, push!"

Berlin tabloid "Berliner Kurier" tries to meet the standards set by the Daily Mirror... and fails:

http://www.berlinonline.de/berliner-kurier/print-static/_img/blk/2008-05-02.titelseite.pdf
(Incest Devil: Did he want to gas everyone?)

What is this question mark doing there? A real tabloid headline would have been: EVIL incest Devil wanted to GAS everyone! With an exclamation mark at the end, not a sissyish question mark!

And by the way, depraved dungeon dad would be the equally cool Verkommener Verlies-Vater in german, but nobody wrote it....

In my last entry, we found out that the Daily Mirror established that a moustace is a sure sign of an evil man who puts people into gulags, death camps, gas chambers and basement dungeons.
In this spirit, i want to present you three more contemporary moustace man:


Thomas Magnum. No dungeon, just a Ferrari and a fridge of beer.


The Bandit from three movies which might be even worse than incest.


Rivaling his brother Karl in historic relevance, one of the funniest persons of the 20th century.

Sometimes i think the staff writers of the british tabloid press should be nominated for a nobel prize. Just look at this:

Austria is not the common link between men and monsters - it's moustaches.
Fritzl belongs to a line of inadequate powercrazed males who spewed forth evil while being too frightened to put a razor above their top lip. Think Hitler, Stalin and Saddam Hussein.

So, they finally found a way to link the master of the "Dungeon Of Hell" (The Sun) to Hiter. But look at this, it's not only a dungeon, it's a mini Auschwitz:

Depraved dungeon dad Josef Fritzl threatened to GAS his imprisoned daughter and their children, Austrian police said today.

Depraved dungeon dad, how good is that?! Let alone "gas" spelled all in caps, not to mention the fact that this "news item" was not reported anywhere else, seems to be made up by the Daily Mirror's staff...

Sources: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/columnists/reade/2008/05/01/moustache-marks-the-monster-89520-20401091/
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/topstories/2008/05/01/evil-josef-fritzl-threatened-to-gas-his-victims-in-their-dungeon-89520-20401739/

I just decided that i'll write a review of every film i watch in the theater from now on and post it here. In german.

Just to let you know.

It's a bit minimalistic, but that's what makes it perfect:

Someone is blasting "Bohemian Rhapsody" at TOP VOLUME across our neighbourhood - now, that's the kind of audio harrassment i like!

Jewish intellectual/columnist/badass political commentator Henryk M. Broder wrote a nice article about germany's obsession with Adolf Hitler. I can't believe how right Broder is, once again.

"Ein Schurke wie Stalin hatte Grandezza, Hitler nur Blähungen und Mundgeruch. Von so einem um den Verstand gebracht, bis über den Rand des Abgrunds verführt zu werden ist eine Peinlichkeit, die auch nach 60 Jahren noch mehr schmerzt als der verlorene Krieg. Erwischt ein Mann seine Frau mit George Clooney oder Johnny Depp im Bett, wird er darüber nicht glücklich, aber ein wenig stolz sein. Überrascht er sie mit Karl Moik oder Karl Dall, wird er sich vor Verzweiflung gleich die Kugel geben. Die Deutschen sind leider mit dem größten Würstchen aller Zeiten in flagranti ertappt worden, einem impotenten Kotzbrocken."

"A villain like Stalin had grand air, Hitler only flatulence and bad breath. Being robbed of ones senses, seduced beyond the brink of the abyss by someone like him is an embaressement that, even after sixty years, hurts more than the lost war. If a man catches his wife in bed with George Clooney or Johnny Depp, he won't be happy about that, but he still would be a bit proud. If he catches her with Karl Moik or Karl Dall, he might as well shoot himself in despair. Sadly, the germans got caught in the act with the biggest dweeb of all times, an impotent son of a bitch."


http://www.spiegel.de/spiegel/0,1518,542149,00.html

The sign says: "Only for motor-bike! Not for hold-ups thanks!!!

After i found out that the Marabu Bar, a punk rock/biker bar around the corner started selling chai latte and house-made cake, thus gives in to the upper-class media guy health food yuppie types that started invading my neighbourhood, this wonderful advertisement shows me that the old Kreuzberg 36 is not completely dead.

On a almost completely unrelated note, some statistics after five years of rock and roll in Berlin:

Banned for life from:

• Kirk (I rescued a female friend from the hands of a guy who tried to hit on her while she was drunk. Found out the guy was the bartender on his day off. Banned.)
• SO 36 (Another female friend of mine got in a quarrel with the bouncer. He told me to remove my girlfriend from the club. I said: "She's not my girlfriend and additionally, she's right." He told me we are both banned.)
• Kato (Same female friend as in the SO 36 situation violated the smoking ban for about five times before being thrown out. Eventhough she obviously was looking for a fight with the bouncer, i somehow protested when he started to get violent. After all, she's a girl, even if she wants to fight. Banned, again.)

Got thrown out of: (in addition to the above, of course!)

• Köpi 137 (got thrown out for sexism/sexual harrasment. But all my male and half of my female friends have been thrown out there for exactely this reason at some time or another, as being overheard referring to someone -for example the ex of the lovesick friend you're with- as a "slut" will get you kicked)

But there's a bright side, too:

Places where i have credit:

• Bar Mistral (ok, they closed almost 1.5 years ago, but i had credit there.)
• Travolta (my favorite bar! And i got credit! Yeah!)
• Zyankali Bar
• Video Play Club (The greek-language VHS video rental around the corner. Closest place to get cigarettes and beer from my home!)

See, it's not all that bad!

I just burned a frozen pizza to a near-charcoal state cause i was on the phone. I'm so hungry i gonna eat it anyways. Happy days.

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on OkCupid

I am proud to present:

The princess Leia emoticon:
@-_-@

The neighbourhood i live in, which for years was a refuge for leftists, foreigners, unsucessful artists, students and the like has been hyped as the "in-spot" of Berlin for a few months now.
This has some effects on my personaly life (except for the exploding beer price in local bars):
- From seven P.M. to midnight all parking spots in the dead end i live in are taken by people going out in the "in-spot".
- Late at night, the parking situation gets better but i still cant sleep cause of hordes of drunks (mostly british tourists) are behaving drunk outside - and threy do so in a lound way.

But there's a good side to everything: Once more, i found out that germans have a deep trust in the authoritites and, even after the Third Reich went down, will never question any "official" rule. That means, in my case, that when i leave home around 8 P.M. to drive to the video rental and i put the traffic cone i keep in my trunk just for this case into my parking spot, no german will ever question that this parking spot is rightfully blocked by some higher force.
When i returned from the rental today (took some time, i had a chat with the video rental clerk about movies) not only every legal parking spot was taken, no, people were even parking illegaly on the sidewalks and in second row, but the only place that was left unoccupied was my parkind spot marked with a simple, red-white striped traffic cone!
I stopped my car, picked up said traffic cone, put it back in the trunk and parked my car.

Mission accomplished.